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Impala said:

Is it normal for all this thought/work to go into these things or should they happen more naturally??

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We are social creatures,,evolved through various levels of cooperation. Some of us are more inclined than others to build and use these connections.

It is fear, the eternal enemy, which precludes us from doing what comes naturally. Identify, understand and face whatever fear stands before you and then your fellow souls will be welcomed for all our imperfections.

IMHO.

Lenny