I am sorry if this is self centered. I thought I was doing ok, was pretty chipper today, was at peace with spending $500 or more recently ($250 I'll get back).. a part of me wonders if I'vespent more and don't recall it all. Any ways, once I tried to just sit and just be- because I've been nothing but busy today or obsession with thoughts- i went from okish to really agitated... really wanted a drink but I have rules that I try to be strict with-- no drinks btw... but still. had one of my mini melt downs. a lot ptsd topics came up. Kept trying to talk to myself, that I had to get it together- reminded myself its really ****ed up to do something in someone else's - home let alone the dogs- theu need someone to feed them. Kept reminding myself I believe in kindness and that I am not like the others ((past people)).
I am watching the dogs still.
The dogs, I think got scared of cries that I tried to stop but had issues containing, I kept apologizing to them. I sincerely hope their neighbors didn't hear me.
I did do some grounding with water, tried to meditate it only helped a little, did some art/craft that looks really kid like.. I am still very tense . the wind is blowing hard, it's been scaring me for some reason.
The dogs have been bu my side after I've calmed down a bit which I appreciate..
Idk wtf this is.. I just dunno and idk if a professional can tell.me anything different from the hand full of the others. This is not new but feels like I am reverting or perhaps .. dare saywl worse.. I am at someone's home, this isn't ok... I will be safe, I am actually tired now. Which is a change from the Last week. I hope I can actually sleep... I did forget to take my dose that I take , today... idk if that would had soften the blow of this