I really dont want to end up paralyzed or even more useless than I already am. Seriously starting to doubt my ability to even be successful in this so I guess I probably just wont try. Im really good at giving up before I even try things.

I dont know what I will do now but probably not talk to anyone. If Im not planning to try to kill myself there is no point. They would just tell me to go back on meds which I dont want.

It just makes me so mad that I cant be happy without everyone thinking there is something wrong with me.