Fayerody,
Thanks for your message. Actually, I was seeing a therapist, and I adored her. I felt like I made leaps and bounds. After only a year of meeting with her she told me that she didn't see that there was a real reason for her to continue meeting with me...that I was one of the happiest and mentally healthy people she knew, and she believed I was using our sessions as sort of a crutch. It crushed me at first, but I realized she was right and decided to start journaling and meditating...all things that truley helped me find my center. I was so happy. I really felt that I had grown and that I could finally put all of this rejection behind me. I was sure that I had figured out that ultimately my paranioa of always getting fired was the reason I WAS getting fired. I got a new job and came in every day working hard and feeling confident. Then all of a sudden (and I really mean it, there was no warning) I was fired again. Now it feels like all the fears that I worked so hard to overcome have come back to haunt me. Whats more, I am worried that I was wrong, and I never really figured out the connection between all of these jobs. I have a theory that something about me repels people, and ironically, it feels as if it's the same thing that drew them to me in the first place.
Something else dawned on me last night...and I know this sounds weird, but it hit me like a ton of bricks...that people generally don't like others who have negative personally traits that remind them of themselves. I am wondering if in my efforts to "fit in" to each new environment...and I've always prided myslef in being very adaptable...if perhaps I project to these poeple their own insecurities? I don't even know if that makes sense.
Anyway, I HAVE thought about calling my therapist again..but I really wanted to try and figure this out on my own. It's one of the reasons that I came here. Once I have exhausted these efforts on my own, I will give her a call.
I mostly want to find out from other people on this posting if they have encountered similar situations, or if they have ever fired anyone who they knew was doing a good job because that person made them uncomfortable in some way. I worked so hard to kick my depression, and I was so proud of myslef, and feeling so great. I am not depressed, but I feel like I am standing right on the edge of that big black hole. I am petrified of falling in again. I am scared that I won't find the strength to climb back out again.