I can relate. This illness makes having normal relationships difficult. I have a hard time keeping friends because when I go through my mood cycles I alternate between social and talkative and relatable to distancing myself being rude and irritable to pushing my friends away. This illness effects all my relationships negatively. I’m also to a point that I’m just so tired of my mood causing my friendships to be rocky. I’ve been on and off medications twice in my life. I think I’m finally so tired of the hypomania and the depression that I will stay on medications this time and keep therapy. But only time will tell.
This is hard but your not alone.