If I “win” my self esteem and sanity, I lose my family.

Mom called today. She still insists I said the ‘F you’ comment as I tried to get her to accept that I didn’t. She says she did nothing wrong and wants me to just call her and ask how she is. I told her how my husband calls it the Game of Phones and it’s so toxic. She twisted and turned and ranted how I hate and want her to die rather than be a loving daughter— “Is that what you want?”, she asked.

I said I would love to have a healthy, loving relationship with my mother, but I don’t know where to go from here. I am not going to act like nothing happened, I am not going to accept her discounting and invalidating me (as also did the whole family) and I am not going to be abused and get sucked back in to more of the same. The truce can’t last!

I said I’d like to have more conversation but with other people there because she twists and turns everything and we don’t get anywyere.

She just wants it dropped and for me to play her game.

Eh, the whole family turned to crap. My aunt just had a memorial ceremony for my uncle and didn’t even let me know where and when. Too much bad blood now. I had even mentioned to her that we could have come to that town and gone to it a couple months ago when he passed, but she wrote me off along with the rest of them. I’d have had enough class to send flowers or a platter. Oh well...

No one thinks I have any class after I once did use the F bomb to one of them because I went off because I have PTSD. So I’m done.

Was I wrong yet again? Should I have contacted my aunt and asked about the memorial? Shouldn’t someone have sent some message to anyone who might be interested in the date/time in advance?

I’m upset my mom even told me about it. See, her Game of Phones got me already! It’s making me feel like I should reach out to my aunt about it, but I’m not going to do anything.

Just breathe..................................