Ok. Hubris over. This got resolved thanks to you guys helping me calm down and see alternatives. What we talked about was the word "permission." He had it in his mind that that's what he was asking for when he wanted to do something with buddies. So he'd sometimes feel resentment at "having" to ask.

We talked again about my abandonment issues and how I try to overcome them. I also reminded him how he'd agreed not to go out more than once a week. And he remembered and still thought it was reasonable.

Then he told me how he sometimes feels like he has to make a decision on the spot when a buddy asks him to do something. He would feel diminished if he had to say, "Oh, I'll have to ask the wife." And I understood.

We're still looking for a signal word or phrase that takes the place of permission. Something that says, "I want to make plans to go out, but I want to be sure I'm not hurting you." If you have any ideas how to say that in one or two words, please share.

Thanks for sitting with me during this process. It made all the difference.