Hi PC,

So I have this friend who I have recently caught up with, just out of his thoughtfulness, but it turned into an emotionally draining conversation because of the topics he brought up. As he is someone who I used to participate in a campus ministry with at my university, he asked me if I attended church. This question in our conversation came up due to my non-involvement in any religious group in nearly two years because of several traumatic experiences with such organizations, from being in the middle of drama to nasty burnout and emotional abuse both times I’ve attempted such organizations.

I naturally said no not solely because of my aforementioned experiences, but also because of other obligations that are quite time-consuming. These include trying to spend more time with my best friend-parents, going out of town to see friends or spend time outdoors on the weekends, spending time with my 80-something grandmother who lives alone, or just being buried in my notes and textbooks for school.

My friend then has tried to persuade me otherwise, including pressuring me to come back to a local church, even when I am at my busiest due to my commitment to school, as well as sharing all of his good experiences with religious organizations. I then got defensive when I felt that this friend did not respect my way of life or obligations to family or school, nor my space required for processing my still fresh trauma from religious groups.

Therefore my response was that I was not going back to any church or religious group any time soon because my bad experiences have left me feeling unlovable and confused, but then I turned vent-y when I also criticized people in general, especially in religious groups for thinking only of their pursuits and failing to demonstrate selflessness or understanding. This is not completely indicative of my attitude of others in general. I deeply love my family, my closest friends, and so many of you guys on PC, but I also was prone to those harsh words out of my cynicism developing after what I have witnessed in religious organizations on top of dealing with nasty fellow students and faculty in recent years in my major’s department before my current program at my uni.

Do you all think that I appropriately asserted myself with this person? How do you think I handled this highly touchy topic with this guy? Should I continue my friendship with this person?

PS As a person who still has kept my childhood faith, I hope post this post didn’t come across as one criticizing religion. I’ve just had bad experiences with organized religious groups that needed to be shared in order to provide background info to my main question about my conversation with this person.