It depends on the day, I guess. Today is a bad one, and all I can think to stop me is:

- Fear. After my attempt I'm really scared to try again, and I feel like if I did do it I'd have to be certain it would work this time.

- My mom. I can't imagine what it would do to her. I'm an only child and I know how much she loves me and sorta depends on me in ways, and I don't know if I could do that to her.

It was the latter that got me through high school. Now, 14 years later, I still can't find a better reason to stay alive. I struggle to find my own reasons, rather than just guilt and fear, but can't.