I know all I do on here usually is just complain about everything and all that. This post probably won't be any different.

I haven't been doing well. I'm up and down either day by day or like a week or so. So high and SO low. The basics and all of each one. I do so much manic and when I'm low I >>>>>>>>>>think about suicide a lot. I also self harm a lot<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< The paranoia and usually just auditory hallucinations are there no matter what, all the time. Nothing stops them completely.

I'm also having a hard time because I'm not sure if my doctor is trying to help or is dismissing me. Last time I went I was saying my antidepressant wasn't helping at all and it was making me feel suicidal. I also express that my anti anxiety STILL DOESN'T WORK. I started seeing her months ago and she said that the anti anxiety I was on and the amount was not good so she was going to change it but it's been months and she hasn't. I know we usually have to change one thing at a time in case of side effects but I'm tired of waiting. In that appointment after I said all those things all she did was up my seroquel to 800 when I didn't even want to go past 400 to 600 the last visit! It doesn't eliminate my hallucinations completely and all I do is sleep.

I wrote a note out last time and it wasn't that long. I read it and it seemed like she was listening but after I was done she asked me in like 3 other different ways the same questions I answered in the note.

This time I want change. I want to just go in there and when she asks 'how have you been?' I say: Not well. My valium doesn't work and I have horrible anxiety and panic attacks. My antidepressant isn't working either. The amount of seroquel I'm on is too much, all I do is sleep now and it's no different from when I was taking 400mg.

Any advice or help? I'm so lost. I don't want to have to find another new doctor. I just want to feel better.