I've written and erased post after post. I'm tired of my own whining, I guess. Would I see anyone else's post as just a bunch of whining? No, probably not. I hold myself to a different standard that I'm well aware I can never reach. I'm ashamed of myself always, but these past few days have been worse than the average. Lately, I haven't been able to be alone. It's either my friend or family with me, but I had some time last night. I didn't do anything and that's something to be proud of right? Nope. Just more shame, this time shame over losing an opportunity. I'm sick. I know I'm sick, but I can't stop it. I hate that I'm like this. I hate that I can't even trust myself. I shouldn't be this way. I'm such a piece of ****. Can't even work or am I just too lazy? Can't keep myself together for more than a few hours at a time, or am I just overdramatic? "Toughen up buttercup." I've told myself that a lot, not like it helps. Nothing helps. Why does nothing help?