Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgotmytongue
Unfortunately for me I’m finding being civil hard. He sent me a text yesterday asking “Are you happy”. Just that. And he’s been invited to something else already from a group chat and already said he’s going so I’ve ended up being frustrated and texting him back saying I’m annoyed and why has he asked me this. I think he thinks that life will just go on and for me I’m feeling very emotional and awkward about it. I’m hoping that he will understand boundaries in that I don’t want to talk to him. I’m the one who broke it off with him so you’d think it would be easier for me.
I think what you brought up has been helpful. There won’t be other family members as my brother is also in my friendship group so it’s just our friends.
It’s not a simple break up because of how we will still be in each other’s lives.
I’m not going to not go to my brothers event because he’s my family and I don’t feel I should feel I can’t, but I may not go to some other things depending on what they are.
What I want is to ignore him but that will be hard to do.
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To be honest your brother is putting you in a tough position by inviting someone he knows has had romantic ties with you that didn't end well. I'll be perfectly blunt about this, that you should probably not go because frankly your brother should respect that and you're his sister. idk if he does this intentionally but does your brother have ill will toward you regarding your leaving his friend ? idk if you asked yourself this but could this be intentional on his part? I would opt out and that provides you with an opportunity to give your brother an explanation and a clear boundary.
Besides I'm assuming/guessing you're all adults and is a BIRTHDAY PARTY really something that's all that critical? I mean to be honest I was asking myself what adult male typically even has a birthday party past high school anyway? Maybe I'm weird but even if it is something that some people do is it really an important event really that you should feel compelled to go to this thing and put yourself in a position where there will likely be a conflict? for me, that would not be worth it.
As for being civil, you left for a reason and he's now your ex. you're not ex-married partners with kids, there is no call for having to deal with him or being civil. His question about if you're happy wasn't a question at all but a jab at you and one that was not to be taken literally but as an insult or a way to make a point. He's clearly still not happy that you left in the first place and will likely use the opportunity at the party to either try to reel you in or attack and insult you. One or the other, but neither is a good situation.
My thought is to opt out. You're not going to hurt your brother by this, if this guy is his friend then there is no doubt he knew what he was doing and is not innocent in all of this.