Hello Claire: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

You ended your post by saying you need some help. I don't think there is enough information here for me, at least, to be of much help. Perhaps other members may feel there is something they can offer.

Based on what you wrote, it sounds as though relationships may be a problem for you as well as perhaps social anxiety? There are forums, here on PC, dedicated to those topics. Here are links to them. You might consider posting further in them with regard to your concerns:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/soci...ective-mutism/

You might also consider introducing yourself to the general membership here on PC over on the new member introductions forum:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.