I was with a girl for around 8 months.
It was horrible. The worst relationship of my life.

I'm not going to go into the particulars, but the result is that in focusing on her needs for so long due to the threat of her violent outbursts and narcissism, my own needs have been neglected for so long that I don't really know what I want for my self anymore. The things I used to enjoy, the things that defined who I am, and the things I took pride in, have been crushed beneath the months of emotional abuse from this girl, leaving me bereft of purpose and in a state of doubt.

In fact, no... that's not entirely true. I mean it is, but it's not the whole truth. This only happened because I wasn't entirely whole to begin with.

There's an emptiness inside me, and I long to be a part of a family. Not my relatives, but a family of my own. The only time I'm really happy is when I am a part of something like that, and it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, it can be as a part of a platonic group of people, or a workplace, or as a contributor to some sort of project. I need to be valued to feel complete.

But I understand that to be "valued", you have to be "valuable". You have to find those qualities and bring out your worth. But the down side to this is that it's sort of like building a house of cards. A knock or two here or there won't disturb it too much, but something like this -like her- who has no value for anyone or anything but herself... well, it F's you up and leaves you feeling worthless.

I don't really know what to do about that.