s for those that need or want one

I am okish today.. except I didn't dress properly for the weather.. a part of me thinks it's still summer I guess.

last night I talked with my ex about earlier mini melt down, then also my bank account, me also putting in a complaint at work for possible hostile work place earlier this month.... he like, before mentioned meds. This morning I wonder about projection of his own desire of needing meds, but I must be honest with myself.
With meds- i kept my last script filled bottles that were given to me, because idk why.... I kept them "just incase " but also know not to take them now because they are a year old and I am not in therapy atm.

Tbh I don't get this, especially the complaint at work- I was fed up and no one says anything, so I spoke up because I do have less to lose than most... yes, my written complaint was a bit aggressive and I made sure to write it as if I was going to have to take it further..and every one at work gets why I did this.. I may have went a but far with stating my true opinion though that the executives assist with creating the environment. I just don't understand humans, really with this sort of thing... everyone gets why I brought it up, or so they say.


I am very leery on taking meds because the times I have - I feel like I get worse... course there's times not on meds I think I probably should be on them, then I have days where there's nothing wrong with me.... what if I am just aware on a different level?

Anyways- Got to work today, and problems problems problems... and I have done what I can. December is going to be a mess. I am pretty apathetic right now because If i cared I'd be a mess. keep reminding myself I've done what I can...

and watch in a few days or weeks I'll be panicking that I should had done more. I'll try not to.

I have 6 vacation days to take off still.