I am pretty much dependent on H. Otherwise, I would be dependent on family, probably one of my sisters. I cook, grocery shop, wash laundry, take care of the cats, make school and work lunches, try to parent a tween as best I can with all my issues. Usually deal with my daughter’s school stuff, go over spelling words, sometimes manage to clean.

I haven’t ever really lived independently except 2.5 years getting my M.S. (and living off student loans mostly). The wages the university paid its RAs and TAs was a joke. And you had tuition and books on top of that. It wasn’t really independent, just incurring debt.

Every time I try a job, I end up at or near the hospital. It was 3 times in the last 4 years or so, and finally H and I had to accept I couldn’t work. I can do simple things like the dishes, take my daughter to and from school. Really, it’s depressing.

Right now I probably excel most at distance running and whether this is driven by my ED, by the escape into dissociation, burning off anxiety, OCD type behavior, manic symptoms, sheer will, I really don’t know.

I was in a book club for 6-9 months, but I have let that go too even though I enjoyed it. I am still on the email list but have not attended for months.

Lately, it’s bad. I am so forgetful, just getting through the day is a chore. Yesterday was hard day. I had a stress headache and had forgotten to buy Tylenol, was completely out. Finally, I decided to run to the drugstore, buy their generic. I also had reusable shopping bags to return to the car. I was so focused on those bags, I realized I had forgotten to lock my front door when I got back home. Not only that, I hadn’t even closed the door all the way!