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Old Nov 28, 2018, 08:40 AM
here today here today is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,517
I have come to the conclusion that the dynamics amongst the females in my FOO are/were damaged/sick beyond repair. I ended up trying to stand up to them around my mother's terminal illness. I thought it was important to do that, still do.

But I didn't do it "well". I did lose them. It was, and still is, excruciating.

I'm 71, so it is what it is. Relations with my daughter are somewhat strained, too -- but she never had "real me" for a mother, so it's taking some time. Plus she learned the damaged/sick dynamics, too, so. . .

Nevertheless, that's where I'm putting my focus now. Trying to be/have an "authentic" independent ego and model that for her, too.

I feel for you, identify often with what you write, and think I understand some of where you are coming from. Enmeshment sucks. Narcissism sucks. Knowing who one is in that kind of environment, knowing who one can trust (no one) and who one can't (everybody) and yet needing those people. . .sucks.

I still love them, though. Even dead or estranged -- maybe the lack of focus about winning or losing makes that more clear. Still can't get along with them, though, on a personal level. At least not yet.
Hugs from:
katydid777, TishaBuv
Thanks for this!
TishaBuv