I grew up in a very disfunctional family. I was abused in every way possible. I finaly ran away at 12 years old, and turned the abuse in. I became a ward of the state I lived in. Back then this was something you never talked about. I wasn't allowed to see my siblings, they were told that I lied about everything and was told I ruined the family, they believed everything, except for one who had been through some of the abuse, That one left home young, told my parents she was pregnant, and got married at 14. I came from a large family of 6 kids, and no one wanted to say anything about any type of abuse bc they didn't want to be treated like I was. I was the black sheep, the hated one, the different one, my mom told me to my face she resented the day I was born. I was a 7 month baby, and in the mid 60s they didn't live, but I did. My parents didn't take me home when I was allowed to go home. I was taken for several months by one of my Aunts. I turned to God that was all I had while I was a child, and was called names even by my siblings, for example Jesus freak. When they became ill, my mom, and I had a argument. It was the worst for me that we ever had. All my life I have done anything, and everything I could do to try to have my mother at least care about me. The argument was, she said I took something from her, when it was found out that she misplaced what she said I took, and she threatened to have me put in jail for it. Anyway both my parents were alcoholics until they passed away. And to this day I don't have any feeling for ether of them. The Fifth of the Ten Commandments says to honor thy father, and mother. I don't know what to do! I don't have any feelings about them, or most of my siblings. I have both my parent's ashes, and will have until all the siblings can get together to take care of there wishes, or the siblings that would make problems for me to take care of them, are gone. Only 2, my older brothers know I have my parents ashes. And that is bc I got my mom's from one brother that took them from my dad, and the other lives in my housed. If my sisters knew there would be big problems. Any input about all of this will be very much accepted. Good, or Bad!!! I just don't know what to do, how to handle this, and how to have feelings for my parents, bc I don't want to go against the commandments.