Quote:
Originally Posted by Zehm
I've been reading up a lot on how to move past this. Most sites account the experience I've gone through to the letter, and most finish of by stating that I shouldn't blame myself. The experience was quite literally textbook.
Well... that's cool and all. I get what happened and why. And I don't blame myself. Sure there were times where my reactions to things weren't the right ones, but what is the proper reaction to being treated with contempt? Dumping her on her arse and never looking back, I suppose. I feel so stupid for trying to see the good in her.
I know that my expectations and needs weren't demanding or unreasonable, while hers were endless, draining and more often than not paradoxical. I did what I could, without sacrificing every ounce of dignity I had, although the experience has humiliated me badly due to the things I've endured in the spirit of love and understanding.
The point is: knowing that I am not to blame doesn't help one bit. It only frustrates me.
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Knowing that you're not to blame is only the first step but without that you cannot get to the other growth that is needed and that is finding yourself, what and who you are - to yourself. Forget finding others that give you value for now because 9/10 they will fail you. in fact 100% of the people you meet will actually fail to give you what you need at one point or another. And please hear me, I am not at all saying we or anyone abandons relationships and other people, but to place the importance at this point and time in your life on YOU first. DW about what others think feel or can give you but take your time to give yourself what you need and take time to find your own way. Independence I stress time and time again, is the foundation for a strong relationship of every.single.kind. Independent and self aware people make the best friends are in the best position to find friends that are not detrimental to their own mental and emotional health.
Focus on you and I know that sounds vague but it's important. And it feels like it's useless, unfruitful and a waste of time at first... trust me, having had to do this myself I know from memories of my low points how it feels but it does pass, you do get strong and you can find joy, contentment and strength, but no one outside youself can give that to you. you have to claim it and figure out how to get there.