I shaved all the time.
I had to seeing as I was sporty.
When the girls spoke
About shaving it was
Just routine to me.
I cut my ankle once
Before martial arts
And had to sit out
As it would not stop
And a plaster did not help.
I never took P.E. because
I did not have room
For a soft option
On my time table.
And art was no skive to me.
My two pals would
Sit and act like two thieves
And everyone actually
Began to get annoyed
When they realised
That it took concentration
And focus to produce
A good project. And
Wished they would
Zip it for a while.
One girl said I did not
Need pencil to outline
I just knew what to do.
My blood father gave
Me some tips on
How to paint. We
Played upword scrabble.
He bought me filofax
As well as comics.
The shop was on
The way home and
He was a chain smoker.
So he would throw
Me some crisp and sweets
To take home like
You appreciate as
A young bairn.
And David would
Greet me with "oh look
The simpleton arrives ..
She is chuffed to bits
With a poxy bag of crisps!"
And I would go
Straight to my room
To hide I was on the
Verge of tears. And
He would shout after me.
Brainwashed! Army tactics.
Get a mind of your ane,
Before he brainwashes you.
And it is hard to separate
The hurt from anger.
And I was forced
Into an uncompromising position
Where I had to sit
On the fence and
Not take sides. If
My parents were good
Parents I might have
Never tried to get
To know my blood father.
And I am sorry
For my comment.
But I got my wires crossed.
My father may have
Been a broken man
In his spirit. But he
Thought better late
Than never. And my
Mum was at fault too.
She made it impossible
For amicable dealings.
For all I know my father
Had wanted access for years.
Maybe he felt inadequate
For not having worked
Due to ill health.
But I read too many
Memoirs from people who
Had similar struggles
As me and the first
Question everyone asks
Is of abuse of that nature.
I am sincerely sorry.
For even considering it.
But I had to.
I had to rule out
All the possibilities.
Sorry I never lived
Up to your expectations.