My mother had, I believe, narcissistic personality disorder and alcohol use disorder. She was emotionally negligent of me, an only child, and she screamed at me a lot if crossed, or even if I just disagreed with her in some way. There were a lot of problems, major problems, related to her drinking.

I never had loving feelings for her, either before or after her death in 1989.

I still don't, and I still think that is okay.

With regard to honoring one's parents: To honor does not mean to love or have positive feelings, and I definitely don't have them.

We might honor a nurse or teacher, but we don't have to love them in order to honor them.

Honor is not a blank check for parental neglect or abuse. To honor parents means to show respect when that respect is appropriate. So, with regard to my mother, I can respect and honor the fact that she prepared meals every day and generally ran the household pretty well when she wasn't drinking or angry. I never had to cook for myself as a small child, or go to school in unclean clothes with holes in them, for example. She knitted me sweaters, even if the motivation for that was mainly narcissistic. I still use the blanket she made in approximately 1980.

There are many things that I cannot respect or honor about what she did, but these things I can.

And she did after all carry me and give birth to me. I am grateful for that, and I can honor her for it.

But not love her for it.