Dear Katydid.

Chronic abuse is insidious, in that it changes who we are...and who we were meant to become. Out of instilled fear, guilt, shame we continue to search for approval and love from those who abused and or disapproved of us, but unfortunately this will never come.

Several years ago...I took a long hard look at my list of personal beliefs and my reactions to the world, including my constant worrying of what others thought of me. Some of my ideas were keeping me safe, but most were toxic, outdated or downright ridiculous. I have now come to appreciate that 99% of people care little about what I think or what I do...they care more about their own lives. I now understand that I can’t wait around for others to tolerate, validate, laud or honour me...I must do that for myself.

Although our upbringing ‘to a great degree’ informs who we become as adults, we need to ‘as adult’s' draw from our experiences in the ‘NOW’ to form our sense of self. And through relentless repetition change our belief systems to thrive.

Good or bad your parents have had their lives…and yes your parents caused damage, and they continue to do so through your siblings instilled perceptions of who you are, and this will take a lot of undoing. Be strong, be tenacious, and graciously reject anyone and everyone who doesn’t encourage, respect, and support you moving forward….this I'm sad to say may include your siblings.

The worst choice we can make is waiting for others to choose for us, or waiting for permission to choose, as we may spend our lives choosing nothing at all.