You were a different person, in a way. It seems to me as though you have done a lot of work on your personal growth. Back then, he fulfilled a vacancy in you, but you picked yourself up and moved yourself forward.

The reason you feel shame in the first place is because someone taught you to feel shame. Instead of problem solving, facing challenges, or resolving mistakes, someone taught you to feel shame and feel humiliated when you make a mistake.

The best way I know of to get past an emotional issue that is haunting me is to accept the fact that it is bothering me. And if I can't get myself to that place, I face the fact that I am struggling to accept it. I tell myself that their behavior appalls me and I know I need to get past it but I first accept the fact that I am struggling to admit it to myself so I can face it and get past it. Does that make sense?

Our emotions are there to tip us off to something going on around us. It can be excitement or happiness, just as it can be fear, anger, or being disrespected.

Many years ago, in my days of drinking because I had no idea the iceberg of abuse that lay beneath my surface, I dated and lived with a child molester, knowing what he was. My neediness blinded me from his monstrosity. We weren't together long, thankfully and I no longer tolerate people like that in my life. He fulfilled a distorted need I had back then that was born from the child abuse my family saturated me in.