I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this. I don't really have anything of substance to offer. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. As I get older I find that routine is important to me. But of course it's nothing like you describe. Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on identifying & managing obsessive-compulsive behaviors:

How to Identify & Manage Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, A Psychologist's Perspective