To me, it's more like "narcissistic dysfunction" than just one person with a "diagnosed" disorder. People can't/don't develop a strong, realistic sense of self (ego) in the kinds of family environment that you describe, and that I had, too.

But I've not found anything on the internet or the psychology/psychotherapy literature that I have accesss to that offers any real "solution" or path to "health" that makes sense to me.

Intellectually, it seems to me the challenge is to develop a "healthy ego" somewhere else. I was too damaged, maybe, for therapy as it exists currently and over the last 50 years to help much. Instead, due to its limitations, it introduced other dsyfunction IMO.

So, intellectually, it seems to me that ego develops in a social environment that includes not only (relationships with) parents but an entire -- well, tribe, community, extended family. And when that whole thing is toxic -- well, the results can be. . .not so good.

What is a "healthy" ego or sense of self? And how does it develop?

Currently, the main thing therapists have been focusing on is attachment, and I think that is way too limited.

If therapists can't help us, what can? My focus currently, for me, is support groups. I'm finding what works for me and what doesn't. And in one group I'm in right now, if I make a faux pas I'm not automatically looked on as a "bad guy". That's a real different experience for me.

If I can get "OK" -- even at my advanced age -- then maybe I have a chance to deal with the still-disordered people in ways that I don't get triggered myself. But that may be just a pipe dream.