I'm sorry you're suffering. I can relate to everything you said. When my self esteem gets low, I remind myself about all the good things about myself. Things I accomplished, good things about me, it can be things that are internal. For example, I remind myself that I don't hurt other people, I am kindhearted, generous, and considerate. It's difficult to see who we truly are when we think our lives are meaningless.

I try to find things that make me happy and I do them. Currently I read a book a week and I make soap. I also follow news about the British Royal family and I like looking at what Kate Middleton wears to events. These are small things that cost nothing and I can do them at home. My loneliness is easier to bear when I seek out things that make me happy. Once I feel happier, I start to work on my self doubt and self esteem. It's tougher to confront that when you're unhappy.