Don't know if this is helpful or not, but for what it's worth, the worst beating I ever got was when my abusive female parental unit spat at me during one of her raging tirades that the bible says to honor your mother and father and I replied that it also says for parents to not provoke their children to anger.

It really makes me so angry that people (especially parents) use what's supposed to be a "good" book to justify them doing some of the most vile, filthy and evil things to the most innocent, vulnerable and defenseless amongst us ... A Child!

Come to think of it, to hell with them and their bible ... And if there is a god, they've got a lot of explaining to do because I'll never understand why some all powerful entity puts children into such soul destroying situations then condemns them to hell for losing all hope, faith, trust and belief!

((((katydid777)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. "To honor your mother and father" is just a way to tell you to be grateful for the gift you have (Life). But if your parents have mistreated you this way, I don't think you have any obligation towards them. You did what you've had to do. Please, don't feel guilty about this. You're a good person.