I look at my mistake with regret not shame. I saw red flags I rationalized away because I had no idea what I was observing.....& even mental health didn't have a diagnosis for it until 19 years later & even then he wasn't diagnosed. It wasn't until I left & only a few years ago the lightbulb came on. Do I regret not stopping the wedding like my gut feeling told me to.....you bettcha I do.....but when I had no knowledge or ability to know at the time I don't feel shame for rationalizing away my gut feeling. What it has taught me is to listen to my gut feelings & pay much more attention to the big picture.

We ALL make huge mistakes in our lives.....be thankful you didn't get married to him....be thankful it was much easier to end an engagement than a marriage.

After so many years I had to actually try to take myself back to the age of 21 to analyze my rational for actually going through with the wedding. Understanding my thinking at the time makes perfectly logical sense why I made the decision I made.....but with the years of hell it was not easy to be able to take myself back to that point logically & all I could think of was how STUPID could I have been until I really went back to my logic at the time. Part or life & part of our growing & learning process.