Good evening everyone, I've seen many topics such as this one but usually it is bombarded with harsh critics or those who feel that we live in a time that "anything should go". I figured I would give a little background on the situation and get some thoughts. To start things off, I began "talking" with this woman about a year and a half ago. We casually hung out, went to dinners, out for drinks ect and just genuinely enjoyed each other’s company (we were not being sexual). She came off as having similar Morales to mine. I enjoy having a good time but try not to cross certain "lines".

Fast forwarding after months to where things got more serious and we considered making it official and she decided to confide in me about her past. I would like to state that I did not feel entitled to it, nor did I really push the issue. Unfortunately, her past took me by surprise. She revealed to me that about 3.5 years prior, she had experienced a break up from a 3-year relationship and went through some depression in the form of not feeling good enough or wanted by others. She explained that being in college and drinking regularly she had made quite the mistakes over a years’ time period. (around 16 people).

It was difficult for me to hear because she had never discussed sex, made references and seemed to have a very clean sense of humor (she doesn’t use curse words and seems to really try and be the best overall person she can). I would like to point out that I think it spoke highly of her in my opinion to confide and be honest, as she didn't have to do that. I also tried to look back and realize that it was over 3 years ago and that she is genuinely sorry and felt guilty for it.

She's been very apologetic- to the point of crying on a couple occasions she discussed it (which she didn't have to be because it's her past, not mine) and has been patient with it bothering me. I'm no saint by any means, I have enjoyed drinking and partying and it has resulted in a few one-night stands, but not such an excessive number. I'm struggling on how to feel at this point. We've been hanging out for a year and a half now and she's been 100% fully loyal to me. She's an awesome woman and she is very genuine. We share the same Morales (except I struggle to accept that year of her life). We have grown up in the same town, so I know that she is telling the truth and I’m not just falling for the “typical story” and I’ve also seen firsthand that she hasn’t gone back down that road over the last 3+ years.

I am not trying to pass any judgement because we are all humans and we all experience a variety of emotions and chapters of life. Certainly, I can’t label her or brand her for life based on bad decisions at 21 years old. So how do you fight off the negative mindset that comes with thinking of that. After a year of dating we did start sexual relations and she was not experienced by any means, which put my mind a little more at ease (knowing she didn’t participate in foreplay and do this or that) with all of her partners. She’s rather shy and inexperienced, in fact she joked that it seemed that I was the one with more experience.

Sorry for the lengthy write up, just trying to get all the details out. I guess what I’m looking for is would you feel that poor choices from 3 years prior deserve to be forgiven and not reflected on? Or is that number to high to overlook. Once again, I’m really not trying to be close minded so for those that think I am, I apologize. We are all entitled to our own opinions.

To sum this up, I really am trying to be as open minded as possible. I think some of my struggle comes from the strict upbringing I have had. I have always viewed sex as special and in the form of becoming “one” with someone, not a recreational activity. Although I have confessed that I have made a few mistakes due to drinking. I would like to point out I don’t feel threatened or insecure by ANY means from any of her past partners.

It’s more of a feeling that I’m not “special” or that anyone could get it (yes that could be immature). I know that it came from drinking and the urge to feel “wanted’. I’m more hurt by thinking that she would be so free with her body. I know she wasn’t doing it for the desire of wanting sex. We discussed it openly and I told her sex feels good and that there’s no shame in it-

However she has confirmed over and over again that it was strictly out of depression and that at a certain point she told herself “no one would probably want her with how much she’s screwed up so she would feel good when someone would show her attention”. She still had records of telling certain ones the day after how sorry she was and full of regret she was. She claims that in the moment she felt wanted but then the next day she would lay in bed and cry out of regret and embarrassment. Obviously, that’s extremely unhealthy but I am glad to see that the last time it occurred was 3 years ago.

I want to help show unconditional love and prove to her that the past doesn’t define someone, but I am struggling with my own pride and if I would be judged my any of the guys around town. I guess I’m just looking to bounce ideas off others. I like her a lot and if it wasn’t for that 1 year time span, I would have not a single complaint. And I know that if I don’t get it under control, soon enough someone else will appreciate her for the woman she is today and take pride in having her.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this and provide input.