((((Emily Fox Seaton)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. I think what you're experiencing is actually quite normal, especially considering your situation at the moment is not too happy. I think it's not bad if it's in small doses - it could even be healthy to some extent to look up to someone else. Just remember that you don't need to be famous to be happy. I hope your situation will improve soon, you always work so hard and you deserve to be happy