The father abandonment thing set me off last night. I have this aching desire to be defended and protected and I’ve barely ever had that from anyone.

My husband was acting compassionate because I was crying. I had the unhealthy reaction I have been having toward him because he is totally passive in the situation. If it were reversed, I’d be calling up those shythead relatives and discussing why they are callously stonewalling my spouse who is severely depressed. But he does not have these thoughts in his head. I did not say anything except that I have issues with the defense thing but don’t want anything from him that he is not. I said “I don’t want to try to make you my flying monkey”.

He watched tv in one room. I cried in another.

When we went to sleep, I said, “Tonight actually went well between us.” He said, “It did?” (Lol). I said, “yes. I didn’t fight with you. I didn’t try to get you involved to defend me. I cried and that’s it. I’ll just keep moving forward and get over this eventually.

Plus, I know it is really petty, but I canceled the order for their token holiday gifts. Screw them. They don’t deserve anything. And it actually made me stop crying and feel a little more empowered.