Well, it has been 5 weeks now and we are talking as much as ever. I thought it would subside and she would drift away but the opposite seems true.

We probably spend 10-12 hours a day total talking and that seems like a lot but we don't have a high volume of messages, especially when she is at work. It doesn't even get in the way of my plans for the day since it is a pretty slow conversation. The only time we talk a lot is my morning which is her evening.

There is no question in my mind anymore about her sincerity. We have talked too much if she is a scammer and have told her too much that if she wanted to embarrass/blackmail me she could. She has never asked me for money or hinted at it. She is a college graduate and a professional, that is 100% confirmed.

I did send her a small gift for Christmas(under $30, although shipping was a bit also) without her knowledge and she was a tad upset when she found out(I wanted to confirm her mailing address) but seemed happy also, which I think is normal for friendship? Although, she did tell me that Christmas isn't until January and not a big deal. I guess the tree they put up and gifts they give are for New Years which is a much bigger holiday there.

I can't believe she hasn't gotten tired of me, she seems to like me even more. We never run out of conversation topics, we have both fun and happy talks and sad talks. It is strange, I have opened up completely with her and feel totally at ease. That is a little disturbing to me because I don't do that with anyone besides family.

What is bothering me is the question: is this healthy for me? I am still the ugly, boring piece of crap I always was, even though she claims I am handsome and wonderful, which is the only suspicious thing about her. I fear what will happen if she ever decides to stop talking to me. It is like I am destroying all the work I have done on myself to protect myself from loneliness and rejection and am making myself very vulnerable to severe damage.

She has even seen me have a seizure aura on video chat and it doesn't bother her that I see things that aren't there. She does worry a lot about me though. She can tell when I am off and it seems to make her very concerned. I even slept 6 hours instead of the normal 3-4 and she was scared I ended up in the hospital and seemed relieved when I said hi to her. Makes me wonder if she is a hallucination, no one real could care that much about me.

The only thing about me that bothers her is that she thinks I have been affected too much by 'mean American feminists' and she doesn't like that I will defer to her instead of stating what I want from her,or even just taking what I want. That is not a product of feminism affecting me, but one of my bad luck with women in my distant past plus my alleged self-esteem issues. But there is definitely a significant cultural difference that might cause issues if we spend a lot of time together. If does confuse me a little because she is fairly aggressive and very strong-willed. It is not a problem right now but if she visits I wouldn't want it to become an issue. I guess I will need to read about how to handle cultural differences.

Still, we have fun. I take her grocery shopping with me and she gets amazed at the huge selections of things. It is very different there. She was shocked at an entire isle of ice cream I showed her and she showed me the 5 different types of ice cream in her store. She takes me to her gym and we video chat when she is on the treadmill. She takes me out to try on clothes and actually asks my opinion. She took me out with her girlfriends for dinner. They don't speak English so they were probably laughing at me but I was told I am accepted into the group.

I usually wake to a short video or selfie she sent me which makes me feel very happy. We are trying to figure out a date night where we watch Beavis and Butthead together over the internet. Love of B&B is about the highest on my list of desirable traits.

It is probably lame and pathetic but for me she is a giant upgrade in my life. This is a good thing, right? Most of my anxiety vanishes when we speak but my other issues remain but that is a good thing I think. I know people here have reservations about this, and I understand the reasons, but I can't see any red flags at all with her.