Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
Maybe it's situational? I don't want my medication adjusted. I'm scared. I just need a good T. I know I'm safe but I don't feel I am. I'm flipping out but only inside. I don't want to up my lamictal or Zyprexa. I like that I only see her every 3-4 months. My head is spinning. It's loud. I'm chickening out. So is my husband. He was suppose to call for a ride for Tuesday and never did. I don't want to go. I'm so scared right now. I'm not going to move from this seat.
I'm thinking about starting a mood/thought chart and highlighting the "bad" things. Last time I did that in FL I almost got sent to IOP and told I'm a suicide risk. When it wasn't that bad at all for me. I know if I ever go back to a T S/He they need to know I'm a suicide risk and that I have odd thoughts from the get go.
I'm not going to be healed by Tuesday. What if she wants to see it? How do I tell her about me without telling on my husband? He's coming to the session with me. Am I under medicated? I know I can't add to it because that will look bad. I'm thinking of taking another Zyprexa. I wish I didn't have to go out Monday or Tuesday. I'm going to feel like I'm telling on Miguel Monday. Then tell on my husband Tuesday. This is insane. I know we need help but I also want to keep everything to ourselves. I'm sure if we would just try things would be different. I know T thought that. Maybe drugs aren't the answer. I need more time. Maybe I can stay at the same dosage and actually ****in try.
Then I think
I took a Zyprexa. |
Altho I think it’s ok your husband is in with you I think it’s unhealthy for you, you aren’t able to really explain your struggle which he is part of.
Based on the years I have know you when you get this “ way” you only get worse. You start lacking insight into where your at mentally and keeping yourself safe. Your self harming is a heads up.
I’m sorry your struggling like this
I think you really need this appt alone , maybe just getting it out of your head fully will ease your distress. Does your husband have an appt coming up ?? Maybe let him go in alone also. Some thoughts need to not be shared with a spouse especially if they are part of your distress.
I would not want my husband to come with me to Pdoc it T , I love him to bits but he does not need to know what all goes on in my head
Stop cutting and keep them clean
Stay safe
