Today was much better. I had a good day at work. I worked with the student I had for ESY a couple of years ago so I already knew his routine and how to help him. Made my day easier. I was happy when it was 2pm though! This week has seemed so long. I guess because I wasn’t feeling my best.


My mom told me she was concerned about me today. I guess I don’t hide my moods as well as I think I do. She said I have the tendency to sabotage myself because I don’t think I deserve happiness. Well she’s right. I’m surprised she picked up on that though. I’m hoping I’ll continue to do well and not self sabotage. I haven’t for seven months so that’s good.


I bought a pack of cigarettes two days ago because my batteries for my vape weren’t working [emoji30] so now I’m back to day one of no smoking. I wish smoking wasn’t so unhealthy. Or I wish I could just kick the habit like my mom did, cold turkey. I’d like to be done with nicotine altogether.


I’m so excited for my date with RS tomorrow. Even though it’s supposed to rain I think the gardens will be beautiful. I’ll gladly stand in the rain for the chance to be with him. He said he feels like he won the lottery meeting me [emoji4][emoji4][emoji4] I feel the same. He’s such a great guy. I’m so lucky to have met him. We’re taking things slow though, not jumping into anything crazy just yet like I did with NV. That’s the better approach.


I’m picking up my trazodone tomorrow (yay insurance!) so that hopefully I can sleep more and not have to worry about being out of sorts from lack of sleep. Let’s hope this normal feeling continues!