Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
It sounds like she is very much like you in that drinking was involved in sexual activity. In addition, she evidently had traumatic experiences that led her to drink.
Your “mistakes” due to drinking evidently do not the trouble you as much as hers do. She made more of them, you say, they are “excessive” to you, but then again she apparently had a lot more traumatic pain than you had.
From what you wrote, your concerns seem to be your “negative mindset” and the opinions of other guys around town. You want to be able to take pride in her but evidently right now you cannot.
How much does she know about your negative mindset? Which is more important to you: the perceived negative reactions of guys around town, or her daily presence in your life?
I can see two options if you cannot disregard those negative thoughts and just carry on with your relationship in a fully loving way. You can seek therapy to help you modify the thoughts that trouble you. Or let her go so she can find someone who loves her without mental reservations.
Please address this problem at once. If you cannot find a way to love her without mental reservations, then allow her the chance to find someone who can.
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Thank you very much for your response. I agree with what you said that it is a "negative mindset" along with some issues with pride. I am not trying to put down or judge her for what took place in the past. I believe some of my struggles come from how strict of an upbringing I had along with how high of an importance I put on sex. Although, I have tried to convince myself that that I can't be hypocritical since I too have made a handful of regretful decisions while drinking in my college days.
She is aware that it bothered me and she has been very understanding and patient, trying to explain what led her to act that way a few years ago. I can tell she is ashamed of it and that her actions weren't out of "sexual" desire. I would like to point out that I in no way am trying to make her feel guilty for past mistakes. I have told her that it's her past and not mine and that she should be proud and walk confident that she has put that type of behavior behind her. (once again this is perspective, I'm not saying one person is right or wrong).
I think the root comes down to me trying to me trying to find acceptance and also working with my pride. For some people that number would be laughable and considered low, for others it would be considered high and come with a reputation. I agree with you that it's in her and I best interest for this to be resolved asap. She's an amazing / beautiful woman and I know that there's many men who would love to have a chance dating her.
Thanks again!