Quote:
Originally Posted by astoldbyginger
TBH I think if you're constantly going back and forth about it in your mind to the point where you want to write it out on an online forum, it is a sign that you're not at peace with it. My experience with this sort of thing is that it is like an orange/yellow flag (not quite red, but certainly not green. It's enough to make you slow down). You can stop or you can move on, but understand if you do, you'll be living for atleast the next couple of years, if not the rest of your lives together, with that decision.
You keep saying she shares your morales, but you might want to sit and really consider whether you're trying to convince yourself of this. For me, a person having more than fifteen sexual partners in the past does not matter and I am not even someone who engages in casual sex, I just don't hold it to such high regard or was not brought up to believe that it is a sacred act. But you might be different and that's okay. Your peace of mind is important in general and in your relationships. She sounds like a great person and also deserving of someone who can accept her wholeheartedly. Hope you can come to a decision which results in peace for you both in the long run.  |
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts with me on this. I agree that over this last week it has daunted on me quite a bit and I didn't want to discuss it with friends or family so they wouldn't view the situation in a negative way. I took to this forum as I saw alot of what appears to be genuine people chipping in. While the amount of people raised the flag to if we shared the same views, I am torn due to what caused it to take place.
As I mentioned, that past behavior happened 3+ years ago and and all occured over a 1 year time span. Since then, she has not gone back down that parth or returned to that behavior, in fact, she has constantly shown remorse. At my age (27) i"ve been around all types of people. People who are okay with casual sex, people who are against it ect. I can tell from the year and a half we've spent together and from the deep talks we've had that she is ashamed of it and that she does not condone it. She admits that at the time she knew that it was wrong and that she was ashamed of it. That she struggled feeling that she wasn't good enough for anyone or that no one would ever want her - and while drinking, when guys showed her attention, she "felt wanted". Then she said the rest of the evening (and sometimes day after) was spent moping around or laying in bed ashamed of herself. As I mentioned, we have had quite a few open talks as I wanted to really build her worth and make sure she now (3 years) later has the confidence she needs to not fight those thoughts.
I guess i was just thrown off because of how much we are alike and then to find out that occured. I know everyone shares different views and I'm not trying to come across as bashing or saying one person is right or wrong. Meeting her and seeing that she didn't use foul language, dress provactively, and having talks and sharing similar morales was all win win in my book. I also found comfort in how "inexperienced she was". I could tell that she had not been comfortable enough with those 'drunk regrets" to gain actual experience or experiment. I'm the type of person who finds comfort knowing I'm the first for certain things (and maybe that is a sign of immaturity on the topic).
Regardless of if I choose to move forward with her or not, I think this is an issue that needs addressas it has impacted my last 2 relationships too. In the past, I worked very hard to save myself for marriage (based on personal preference). While I stayed strong for many years, I did struggle for a few months 2 years ago and while drinking, worked my way up to 8 partners. I know the type of person I am and that I do not want casual sex, so I feel like how can I pass judgement or claim her to be a type of person?
Once again I really appreciate each one of your responses. You're taking the time out of your day to listen to me vent and to offer advice and I sincerely appreciate it.