It sounds to me more like you had a parent that was a perfectionist, so much so that you genuinely struggle with "did I do this good enough" mindset.

You are 48 years old and you don't cook, why?

There is a movie called Julia and Julia (I think that's the name of it) and it's about Juila Childs and a woman who wanted to actually cook every recipe in Julia's cook book and she had a blog about each meal she cooked. I would like you to rent that movie and watch it. I think it would be good for you and your fiance to take a cooking class together so you can explore cooking and creating food dishes together. And THEN plan a dinner YOU COOK at your home.