And this upsets you Tisha, you get very frustrated and end up either arguing with your husband because he doesn't stand up for you like you want him to or you go off by yourself and cry.
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I usually do both. This time I made progress by just crying.
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You use the term "win" a lot
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I do? I’m tempted to search all my posts for verification.
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as you entitled this thread of yours. Well, unfortunately the concept of "win" that happens in families can contribute to a lot of dysfunction because in order for someone to win that means someone else has to lose and no one likes to lose and in dysfunctional families this always affects someone's self esteem. This is what contributes to

"I don't matter to them" feeling.
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It’s not just a feeling. It’s a fact proven by their actions.
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Often the decision to do the no contact thing with people or family isn't really about choosing to disengage because of how toxic it is to engage but instead its simply a form of punishment to get attention or control or sense of "power" instead. When we are children and don't follow the rules and behave, our parents choose to punish us by sending us to our room and basically to disconnect from us so we give in to their control and power and rules. Without realizing it, children end up learning that in order to get control and power over others this is how you have to handle them, shut them out and don't talk to them until they apologize and behave. The other thing children learn to punish others is to get a few to join them against the person they want to gain power over. We learn that narcissists practice this by using a method called triangulation where they recruit a third party to side with them against the person they want to have power over. Also, these individuals cultivate a group or click to groom to follow them and this is meant to develop "power" too. After a while, the desire to have some kind of power by being part of a group becomes more important than "truth" or even actually being nice or CARING about how the group acts in ways that actually hurt whatever person is being targeted.

Unfortunately, this is part of our basic human primate design, this is part of how we are designed that is a big part of our survival and yet it's a part of us that is also the most destructive too. You did not "invent" shunning as punishment either. Shunning is very much a part of how human beings behave in order to get other human beings to follow a certain pattern of behaviors and beliefs. By the nature of our design Tisha, when we are shunned we feel more vulnerable because we are designed to feel safer if we are part of a group. So, when you go no contact with your family because of how toxic they can get, you will feel more vulnerable and that's based more on basic instinct which contributes to your not really feeling empowered when you go no contact. What you end up "feeling" when you go no contact is "abandoned and I am sorry Tisha because I know how that feels first hand and all this means is that you are human and you just want attention and "comforting". Unfortunately, in your family, for whatever reason, that is something that others did not really know HOW to provide for you. It's important that you learn Tisha that doesn't mean you don't have value but instead you are dealing with other individuals who don't know how to help you FEEL you have value. A lot of this is not knowing how to help and care for someone to help them "feel" they have value where it affects one's "power" when they "praise and validate".

When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family, the one thing that person struggles with is their personal sense of self worth. And because there is dysfunction, the individual doesn't learn actual healthy ways of interacting with others that maintains and protects their personal sense of self worth. Unfortunately, we are designed to observe and copy.
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I know this was the family dynamic.
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This is THE MOST marketable part of human beings too. We tend to focus WAY TOO MUCH on the idea of WINNING and somehow being better than and because of that we can be prone to interacting in unhealthy and unproductive ways where winning becomes more important then anything else and can most definitely bring out the worst in human nature.