Thanks, Adieu! Your post is very powerful. I feel pretty much the way you do. Maybe I seem pitifull because I'm talking about my family, but my sense of self is not that of not being empowered. On the contrary. Three out of four of my kids are afraid of getting into a discussion with me. I used to run over anyone that didn't agree with me. Say what? Yes, that's why my oldest son is like he is. He's his mother's child. His past/old mother. Not his present mother. For the most part, I keep my mouth shut when we disagree but he got my dander up this time because he was so into his anger and self-inflicted disappointment that I just had to speak up. He prefered his feelings rather than to accept the truth of what happened.

I've got one question, though. I don't remember bringing up anyones financial status, but I might have. I'm not sure where finances come into the equation other than his boys have everything and more. His oldest had a Mac computer when he was FIVE! What the heck is left to a grandmother to buy?? My son is very close to being a millionare and I'm damned proud of him, but there's no way I can, even in my wildest dreams, hope to come anywhere close! I'm 61 and disabled and refuse to play the Lotto.

I'm not trying to change my son or anyone else. I learned that painful lesson a long time ago. All I would like to accomplish is for him to accept the fact that there are other perspectives besides HIS. He has made up his mind that I stayed away from his son's birthday party out of my own stupidity and stubborness. He won't accept the fact that it just could be a breakdown in communications. Of course, this is just ONE example of the problems he and I have. Only HE has the RIGHT answers and the rest of us humans are stupid, liars and crazy.

Everyday I struggle with my self-esteem, but I'm at least comfortable in my own skin. I like who I am inside, even with the faults I have. My oldest son used to intimidate me... until this last argument we had. In finding my voice and shedding the intimidation I felt, I realized just how far I've come and how stuck he still is in the old family dynamics. For not having lived with his father, he sure mimics him all too well! I've already admitted to not being then who I am now. GAWD! I wish I had it to do over knowing then what I know now! It's funny but it's sad, too.

Adieu, I really like your spirit and I like what you posted. If you're up to it, and if you understood my present ramblings, I'd like to discuss this with you again.

I'm going to keep these words of yours next to my heart:

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You can walk in or out of a room --- and let them eat their hearts out --- because they see your confidence and grace and courtesy. Because they see you are unaffected by smallmindedness and will not stoop to even acknowledge it.

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