Nothing will change until you do something different. I have
been where you are,and then I read some books by expert in
self-esteem,Nathaniel Branden. I don't care if you have to starve for a week or 2,buy some of his books.I recommend
these: "The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem",and "Honoring The Self"--you might get them second hand to save cash.It will be huge investment in dear self.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE