As a parent who fell short in many ways, I only fully realized in hindsight and ignored some of the gut feelings that I felt on a few occasions. I don't know if I am bipolar, have a personality disorder or what but I got caught up in everyday things like preparing meals, working, and reacting to people instead of really understanding relationships. I do have a lot of anxiety and the fight or flight response I get from it has also made me make bad decisions and we were very isolated which made it even worse for our children. Plus, my parents and even all but one grandparent (my maternal grandmother) modeled some dysfunction. I probably have had an untreated mental condition my whole life. Now they are grown up and I have no idea how to help them but I do love them. I do not blame them in anyway for anything that happened. I am saddened everyday when I think of the price they paid.

I hope this isn't too depressing for you. I hope you can move on some way. Try to find small moments to enjoy. Don't be afraid to say if someone did you wrong. I think I was brought up to follow orders and follow authority and that was why I did not speak up on a few occasions when it needed to be done. It may not have changed anyones mind but I recently read something that said it is important to air out differences instead of letting things smolder because children pick up on these emotions and they are confusing. So talk about it so that you can break the cycle in case you ever have kids. I hope you can break the cycle and have a good life.

I am embarrassed to tell people (for instance--I haven't told people at work that my son is homeless)--perhaps I am embarrassed because we (my husband and I) haven't done enough to help. My husband has said our son's homelessness is his choice--perhaps he just doesn't want any responsibility and just chooses to blame--I know it is much more complex than that. Some of my problems definitely definitely has to do with my brain chemistry (PTSD, bipolar) because I am doing much better on medications now but I did not go to a psychiatrist until our children were in high school. My gut feeling about your question is "yes"--some parents will not admit to themselves that there was abuse or were so abused that the abusive things seemed normal. (discipline, not sugar coating things, etc.)