looking back I could have let my feelings be hurt by my parents but I was way too independent of a thinker it seems from the beginning. My instinct was to strike back rather than take anything my parents said personally. Probably because from as early as I can remember I never held any value in what they told me. I don't have any idea when that thinking even started but I got all my validation from school starting in kindergarten. My parents were so dysfunctional & emotionally disconnected because of their own issues that I learned frim very young never to value their knowledge. I didn't even want people to know they were my parents from a very young age but I have no idea what experiences all went into my feeling that way.....but not valuing their knowledge actually probably saved me from a lot of feeling I was the cause of anything.

So in other words what might hurt one childs feelings may not hurt anothers. There is no real cookie cutter definition.....it is all individual.

There are more messed up parents out there that should have NEVER had kids even if they could provide a roof & food & clothing. People don't realize how important emotional connection is. That doesn't mean being a smothering parent or giving the kid everything they want either...but being there with support & understanding. My parents were out in la la land when it came to that. Only a few years ago (they bave both been dead for years) did I figure out what their disabilities really were when the lightbulb came on.

My parents had no idea how totally dysfunctional as parents they really were & did the best they were mentally & emotionally capable of. Looking back with an understanding now I can see how my parents not knowing themselves excused so many things away on things that made sense to them....looking back I can see how those excuses made sense to them because back in the dark ages no one had ever even defined in the mental health area what was the actual cause of my dad's behaviors & my mom latched onto him at 19 because no other guy would even bother to date her & he was drafted into WWII & she wanted to make sure he had a reason to come home. The picture all makes sense now but my personality was very different from my parents & so was my IQ which only added to the conflicts we had.

Who knows.....as a kid I could have been abusive to my parents the way I reacted to them.

Relationships are not easy to JUST define & have everything fit into the same box. We get messed up no matter what the insides of the box looks like but when we think we have a one size fits all picture & answer.....there is ALWAYS another exception.