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Thank you all for letting me take up space...
I'll try to keep this short.

Today has been pretty good, I got a lot of cleaning, laundry completed. Lots of music, some game time. still need to finish some things though inthe living room.

In the evening, My ex and I hung out, got sushi ((i do like California rolls I found out, and can use chop sticks. Yay)...

then we went to a pottery painting studio.... admittedly- triggered annoyed or what ever -at the studio. By the end I felt like I should had just gone alone as I've done many times before.

I understand that the painting may not be for everyone..
It began with him being very negative at the beginning because holiday music was going on- .. I tried to lighten up the whole situation, I was In A good mood. Asking what he would do for his piece, and if he was going to give it to his mom .. suggested that his mom or sister would enjoy a painted jar from him.. he likes and gets along with his family, his mom is nice-- I may just paint her a jar (ha ha).. I tried to joke, but grumpy ex just wasn't there with me.

Seee, part of this (well the end is all me) is on me because I had mentioned to him in advance that I wanted to try to get at least a little festive, since I usually get depressed this time of the year with reminders every where that I have no family, no friends really, and just am utterly alone. Yada yada yada yada ... and just a thought- perhaps if I do my own things, perhaps I won't be so miserable?? Do some thing fun to me that's part of the festivities that others join into during this time of the year here.

he did what he does, and my entire mood changed. he was making comments to the point that I gave him the dead cold stair and reminded him, I just wanted to try to get a little into the "holiday festivities" so perhaps to avoid suicidal idealism later.. sorry I get blunt sometimes but he stopped

Then when he was on his phone for about half the time, I kept saying I was sorry for wasting his time and that I was sorry for taking the painting so seriously.

I kept going in and out of feeling like a child... afraid him getting mad at me.. but he did remind me I was fine but did want to leave soon, I tried to hurry up but I messed up my piece and had to do a quick doctoring.. he complemented my work. He mentioned my details that I do.. also that he should had expected going with me, even with a small piece would take time.

And of course.. I am sorry for being me. , but I am glad I did something I will be ok to display.. I don't think we spent 2 hours, and the group that came in at the same time were still painting when we left...

He has his issues, but tonight just a reminder of why we broke up. I am glad we're still friends. That he is my family..
Unfortunately while I realize when we left my mood should had lifted but it hadn't. When driving home I kept making commentsbof "I should just "go away "."
I shouldn't go away, and I am sorry it's taken till now to realize this slip of me.
I am exhausted though. So I will get some rest