Hello, everyone.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this and if it's not then please pardon me and move it to the correct one (I assume Mods can do that).
There are a couple of things I should state first for anyone who's willing to reply. First, I'm not from the West. I'm from a very turbulent place and in a turbulent / life threatening job. I'm a veteran of war and still am fighting it. So there's that to deal with.

Secondly, I've had a very abusive childhood and had to grow up earlier than I should have. Beatings, emotional abuse, self-esteem; you name it. However, I'd to be there for my siblings so I guess I turned very numb from an early age. I once had an assessment (which's not possible now) and some therapy where I was told I had psychopathic tendencies. I tend to be very unfeeling yet I have a very charming and laid back persona.

Third, recently, my wife whom I think I loved a lot went for higher studies abroad and I encouraged and supported her going (huge social stigmas from my place to come over). Once, she was there she started feeling very lonely (she's had Borderline, Bipolar and suicidal ideation when she was young). As I knew how destructive she could be under the influence of lonliness and depression, I encouraged her to create a social group. Being young (we're both 30) and attractive, she naturally attracted the eye of a lot of guys. And that seemed to flatter her, I told her (not knowing what else I could do) that she should relax and socialize.
That was a few weeks ago. During that time, I'd some OPS to do (military) and she was hanging around with new people. She met someone 2 weeks ago and really clicked. She told me about it and I remarked that it's nice she had a friend. She said she was attracted to him and so was he, I said, as long as you're fine then be his friend. They ended up making out, which she told me in vivid detail. I didn't know what to do because I couldn't allow her to fall down into a depressive state and become destructive. I said, you should have boundaries where you deem them fit. Thinking it was a one off thing; however, she told me they planned on meeting again. Just this weekend they did and they ended up having a lot of sex. The guy is really big in his endowment (I think I'm like 4-5 inches, I suppose) and handsome (tall, in her words) whereas I'm built like an ogre and years of military deployment has done me really well (sarcasm).
When she told me all of that, I felt very numb. However, I'm having a hard time sleeping now. I think I've disassociated. There are times I feel enraged, then I feel like I should improve my looks etc., and then there are times I feel like I should disappear. I have professional relationships but no friends and my family's very abusive. This episode has left me feeling an utter feeling of isolation and loss of connection from everyone. I feel alone,

I feel animalistic and I feel inhumane.

Professional therapy's not an option for me due to my job (I'm leaving it in a few months) and location.

Thank you.