I can relate to what you're going through. Whenever someone tells me that I'm a good person and I'm not a complete failure, I scoff at them. It's hard for me to take in the positive feedback. I sometimes feel invalidated when they recognize my accomplishments because I feel misunderstood as they don't acknowledge the tough times.

I try to remind myself to think dialectically: essentially the opposite of black and white thinking. I acknowledge that I have accomplishments but that doesn't mean I'm not struggling. It's okay to struggle even when there are good things happening. It's not my fault that my brain works against me at times.

I also remember that my path is different from anyone else's and that's okay. What I want in life isn't the same for everyone and it's okay to focus on what I want to do to feel content with my life.

The main thing for me is try and have grace for myself. I'm okay where I'm at. I can stay in the present moment and not look too far into the future for fear of the good times going away. I've learned enough to get through the tough times, so I can relax and focus on the here and now.

I hope this helps and I'm so sorry you're struggling.