well said! this was my experince too. i was too entangled, addicted too, negatively bonded, unhealthily attached, deeply entrenched,or what what ever you want to call it in the relationship with my ex-T to even fathom leaving or that i could survive life with out him being a part of it. i was completely stuck and the most pathetic thing about it, is i absolutely knew this too. although i didn't have the courage, strength or worthiness to get myself unstuck. it was easier to go along with what others were saying i should be doing in therapy instead of listening to my gut...thinking perhaps all those others on the forums and in the therapy books are right and i must be doing therapy all wrong. so i persevered onward hoping that one day, just maybe i might just 'work through' all this messy transference and the unbearable attachment issues with my T. including finally resolving all the ruptures after repeated ruptures. all the heartache, disappointments, and frustrations. always trying to reassure myself that surely that must be what therapy was suppose to be about. although, the issue with that solution was i was slipping backwards in life, not forwards, like i had signed up for when starting therapy.

all the talk here about 'filling a hole' i reckon was the crux of much of my issues. i had the deepest, darkest, coldest, eternally bottomless pit of despair inside of me that desperately needed filling. my ex-T and all his smooth talk about a 'healing therapeutic relationship' knew exactly how to trigger the ravenous hunger in that pit. but all he was offering me was meager crumbs. and for me, that was ok, because i didn't feel that i deserved any more and those tiny crumbs he did toss me already had me hooked.

eventually, after getting frustrated of only getting fed crumbs, i did successfully move beyond my transference, but there was no 'working through' the transference in the relationship with my T, and not in the traditional sense that most discuss is suppose to happen with a competent T. it was only through focusing on other means outside of my therapy that i was able to do this. my mind learned how to calm the dysregulation and fears with the aid of neurofeedback. i worked internally with my fragmented parts to bring them together to begin working as a unified team. and in the relationship with my supportive husband, i was able to start forming a secure and safe attachment to him (not my T). as a result of all this, my bottomless pit of despair began to shrink and i actually started believing that not only was i worthy of the love from others, but that i was actually worthy of loving myself. the more love i felt towards myself, the more my emptiness filled. i eventually got to the point where i no longer feared being abandoned or alone. i no longer felt lonely. i no longer feared my T leaving me or living life without him. in fact, i no longer feared my T. it was those fears that were fueling my addiction to him and to therapy. when i reached this point, i knew it was time to officially end therapy. i was no longer stuck and in need of an unhealthy attachment. it was an incredibly empowering feeling to experince. i only wish that more people were able to have a similar experince and that is why i continue to share my stories here...to perhaps offer a glimmer of hope that there is a way forward to a more fulfilling life.