Yes! Your post resonates with me. I have spent years in therapy, trying to get my needs met by engaging in fake intimacy with different Ts. I knew it was a pattern but I couldn't stop. Only in my current therapy have I been honest enough to fully acknowledge to myself and to my T what I have been doing. She says I can get that intimacy in my real life. I hope that I can get well enough to do so, but even now, with my health challenges, I am becoming closer to people. Probably it's happening because of those challenges! It's bittersweet. I still love my T but I know what her role in my life is.