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Originally Posted by tecomsin
Yeah I have a decent ltd from my employer. It's a lot less than I used to make but pays the bills. I was fortunate to have had a good career and don't have to work to survive.
I wish you fortitude in launching your book project. The hardest part often is just getting started. If you don't mind my asking, have you tried part time work or something just to get out of the house regularly?
I don't think my ex had any kind of psychosis though he was definitely a sick puppy. It turns out I was probably sicker because of my problem with going off the rails of sanity.
I don't often have the problem of men who I don't know start talking to me. The chemo and smoking all those years before I quit in 2015 definitely aged me.
Good for you for quitting drinking and smoking and making other positive changes in your life. I absolutely stay away from alcohol as I could easily become an addict to that too like my father is.
You might be right about not being able to see it. I feel like i got a sucker punch after so many sucker punches and still haven't caught my breath. Some of this I did to myself, some was the awful upbringing I had, and some is a relentless illness.
I am diagnosed but not sure if it is SZA or bipolar. My main concern is not to have another episode where I lose touch with reality. My problems pre-dated my ex and will outlast him. I also clearly have big problems with personal boundaries. I never learned what good boundaries are growing up and I have had problems from that all my adult life.
What is your book about?
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I would prefer not disclosing my book's topic. It is nonfiction. It is...a difficult subject.
Sure I have considered all different kinds of work. I have felt destabilized and my idea was to try to get stable before going out there and applying for jobs again. But I can see now that's not gonna happen. So basically I will be starting to apply for jobs this month.
I got my master's and was on a mid-life career track...and got de-railed. Now I don't think I can get back. I don't think I will find decent work -- will have to just settle for whatever I can find -- but I intend to just write on my own.
As I write all of this it makes me profoundly depressed. I will never really be able to retire and I am very unstable financially, emotionally, mentally. Physically I am okay.
This is kind of a mystery as to why I am physically stable and why all the stress hasn't ravaged my appearance. But emotionally and mentally I am very fragile.
Thanks for allowing me to share.
I am not sure if I believe in predestination...but the idea is appealing to me more and more. People I know are dying and gravely ill etc. --- while I guess I appear to be okay even if I don't feel it.
Anyway...no one is going to help me. I don't have proper mental health care. I am on my own. And for some reason I am surviving. I think I should stop resisting...life.