I'm sorry you are struggling with this difficult situation. I think the obvious suggestion would be to talk this through with a counselor or therapist. But you've written that is not possible. Plus you mentioned you don't have any friends or family you can confide in.

I do think your fears, with regard to this situation, are ones you probably need to share with your wife at some point, perhaps in the form of a letter (since I presume the two of you won't be together any time soon?) I don't know about you... but it's much easier for me to express myself in writing than it would be to talk things through over the phone. Plus, writing a letter allows you the benefit of writing it, letting it "cool" overnight, & then revising it before sending it off. Your letter then might be followed up with one or more phone conversation(s).

Still... before you would do something such as writing a letter, or talking by phone, you might still wish to have someone you could mull things over with. One option for that sort of thing that occurs to me is the 7 Cups of Tea website. (I should say I've never used it myself. But, from what I understand of it, it sounds as though it could possibly be one option for you.) Anyway... here's a link to the 7 Cups website:

Online Therapy & Free Counseling, Someone To Talk To | 7 Cups

My best wishes to you...