[QUOTE=Sheffield;6355158]I’ve read all the comments on this thread with interest and it seems that a lot of them fall into 2 different types-those who espouse the “technical” description of ‘transference” as being rooted in the past and being played out repeatedly throughout life and those who recognise within themselves that they are in some way “addicted” to the therapist/therapeutic construct- it gives them a high at the time and terrible lows fairly soon after session has finished resulting in often wild /desperate attempts to recreate the high between sessions through often inappropriate/unnecessary email contact which adds more layers to the “addiction” eg checked to see if responded/analysis of response /wish I hadn’t emailed/why no response etc needing to devote next session to these issues-this level of pain and need surely is not maternal/paternal transference?.- erotic maybe - genuinely wanting to have a real relationship with the therapist maybe but if it consumes your waking (sometimes dreaming) life and I’ve been there- it’s an obsession or addiction -I knew that and it’s horrendously painful when you realise this and even worse when you realise that you have to pull yourself out of the situation-no amount of discussing the relationship,acting out,faking that you’re ok etc will solve it
It’s the most insidious and damaging experience of my life and although I’ve had no contact for a few months and am moving forward in other areas of my life I’m still indulging in obsessional thoughts/stories/fantasies about the bl..dy man-i hate what the relationship created but I can’t hate the man- very very scary and not somewhere I ever wish to go again-I don’t believe that “transference “ is anything like as common as it’s purported to be if it even exists-it’s a construct that suits

I think what makes it even more confusing is that there is -
using the two categories you mention - overlap and/or a continuum where it becomes difficult to see where the addition or patholigicalness starts.

So I've got parental transference for my doc. We both acknowledge it (albeit not expressely) and our interaction has a large flavour of this.

I've also got attachment to and dependence on him - so e.g. if he were to disappear over Christmas I would be unhappy.

But, while it may skirt the line, I don't think the attachment/dependence is pathological at this time (and I pray it never becomes so).

This is because I e.g. write to a friend/family to get support before I write him, I actively seek real life social events so am not looking to him to fill all needs, I tell others about our interaction so I don't get that secrecy or 'others would not understand' that I think is a bad sign. I also bear well in mind and truly believe that he is my doctor not my friend who is almost a tool to help me get better so I don't look for or start imagining more.

On the other hand, at times of distress, am like WHERE IS MY RESPONSE TO MY EMAIL, with continual checking, and I purposely think of him to self comfort and de-stress.

So it's a fine line with shades of grey where transference, attachment, dependence, addiction, may all elide into each other, and to different amounts at different times. No wonder it has gone pear shaped for so many.